Talking With Teenagers When Communication Is Difficult

This article explores why communication can become harder during the teenage years, particularly when language, emotional regulation, or mental health are under strain. It explains why “just talk to them” often doesn’t work, and offers practical, respectful ways parents can support communication at home. It focuses on everyday support, includes guidance relevant to AAC users, and acknowledges that some young people follow different communication pathways, including Gestalt language development.

Understanding language, emotion, and connection in adolescence

Many parents notice a change in communication as their child moves into the teenage years.

Conversations that once felt easy may become shorter, more guarded, or harder to start. Parents often describe their teenager as:

• shutting down

• giving minimal answers

• avoiding talking altogether

  
  

This can feel worrying particularly if you suspect your teenager is struggling, but doesn’t seem able or willing to talk about it.

Why communication can feel harder in the teenage years

Adolescence brings significant changes in:

• brain development (areas involved in planning, regulation, and communication continue to develop into early adulthood)

• emotional regulation

• social expectations

• language demands

  
  

Teenagers are expected to communicate in more abstract, emotionally nuanced, and socially complex ways often without additional support, even if they have a history of speech, language, or communication needs.

For some young people, especially those with:

• Speech, Language and Communication Difficulties

• Autism

• ADHD

• Brain Injury

• Learning differences

• Mental health difficulties

these demands can push communication beyond what feels manageable.

Why teens may shut down or avoid talking

When communication is hard, teenagers may withdraw not because they don’t care but because the cost of communicating feels too high.

Common reasons include:

Emotional load

Strong emotions such as anxiety, frustration, or low mood place extra strain on language processing. When emotions are high, the brain prioritises regulation over explanation, making it harder to find words.

Processing demands

Teenagers with language differences often need:

• more time to process questions

• fewer words at once

• clearer structure

Fast-paced conversations or emotionally charged discussions can overwhelm this system, leading to silence or shutdown.

Fear of being misunderstood

Many young people with communication difficulties have experienced:

• being corrected

• being misunderstood

• being interrupted

• being told they’re “not making sense”

Over time, this can create a strong reluctance to speak especially about feelings or problems.

Desire for autonomy

Adolescence is a time when young people are highly sensitive to:

• feeling judged

• feeling controlled

• feeling talked at rather than with

Even well-intentioned questions can feel intrusive if they don’t respect a teenager’s need for autonomy.

Why “just talk to them” often doesn’t work

Advice to “just talk” assumes that:

• the young person can easily put feelings into words

• they feel emotionally safe doing so

• the listener will understand them accurately

For teenagers with speech, language, or communication needs, these assumptions often don’t hold.

Repeated attempts to “get them to talk” can unintentionally:

• increase pressure

• reinforce avoidance

• damage trust

Supporting communication means changing the conditions, not pushing for disclosure.

Practical ways parents can support communication

Adjust how and when conversations happen

Some teenagers communicate better:

• side-by-side rather than face-to-face

• while doing an activity (walking, driving, cooking)

• in short, low-pressure moments

Letting conversations unfold naturally often works better than sitting down “for a talk”.

Reduce language demands during emotional moments

When emotions are high:

• use fewer words

• avoid complex questions

• reflect rather than probe

For example:

• “That sounds really hard.”

• “I can see you’re upset.”

This supports regulation first which makes communication more possible later.

Take a moment to wonder…

·       I wonder if my teenager needs understanding before explanation right now.

·       I wonder if this is a moment to listen, rather than to solve.

·       I wonder what might change if I slow my words down instead of asking more questions.

Sometimes the most supportive response is not finding the right question, but offering calm, predictable language that helps emotions settle.

When regulation comes first, language often follows in its own time.

Listen without fixing

Teenagers often stop talking when they expect:

• advice

• solutions

• judgement

Listening without immediately fixing communicates:

• respect

• trust

• emotional safety

You can ask:

“Do you want help with this, or do you just want me to listen?”

Support alternative ways to communicate

Some teenagers communicate more easily through:

• text messages

• notes

• drawing

• AAC systems

• shared activities

Speech is not the only valid form of communication especially during emotionally difficult moments.

Protect autonomy and dignity

You can support communication while respecting boundaries by:

• asking permission to talk

• accepting “not now”

• keeping conversations confidential where appropriate

This builds trust over time.

When speech and language therapy may help

Speech and language therapy is not just for early childhood.

Teenagers may benefit from SLT support if they:

• struggle to explain thoughts or feelings

• find conversations overwhelming

• misunderstand social or emotional language

• shut down during verbal interaction

• rely heavily on avoidance or withdrawal

SLTs can support:

• expressive language

• social communication

• emotional language

• AAC use

• self-advocacy skills

This support can be especially valuable alongside mental health or educational support.

 

By adjusting how you listen, respond, and create space for connection, you’re supporting your teenager’s communication even when words are few.

If you’re concerned about your teenager’s communication, emotional wellbeing, or ability to express themselves particularly if speech, language, or communication difficulties may be part of the picture you’re welcome to get in touch. Talking things through can help clarify what support might be helpful next.

References

Blakemore, S.J. and Mills, K.L. (2014) ‘Is adolescence a sensitive period for sociocultural processing?’, Annual Review of Psychology, 65, pp. 187–207.https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115202

Conti-Ramsden, G., Mok, P.L.H., Pickles, A. and Durkin, K. (2013) ‘Adolescents with a history of specific language impairment (SLI): Strengths and difficulties in social, emotional and behavioural functioning’, Research in Developmental Disabilities, 34(11), pp. 4161–4169.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ridd.2013.08.043

Dockrell, J.E., Bakopoulou, I., Law, J., Spencer, S. and Lindsay, G. (2015) ‘Communication skills and social relationships in children with SLCN’, Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research, 58(5), pp. 1623–1637.https://doi.org/10.1044/2015_JSLHR-L-14-0141

Norbury, C.F., Gooch, D., Baird, G., Charman, T., Simonoff, E. and Pickles, A. (2016) ‘The impact of nonverbal ability on prevalence and clinical presentation of language disorder’, Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 57(11), pp. 1247–1257.https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12573

Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists (2022) Adolescents with speech, language and communication needs. London: RCSLT.

Snowling, M.J., Bishop, D.V.M., Stothard, S.E., Chipchase, B. and Kaplan, C. (2006) ‘Psychosocial outcomes at 15 years of children with a preschool history of speech-language impairment’, Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 47(8), pp. 759–765.https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2006.01631.x