Making Your Words Count: Why Comments Help More Than Questions

This article explains why the way adults talk to children matters for early communication development. It explores how using more comments and fewer questions can reduce pressure, support understanding, and encourage children to communicate more confidently. It focuses on everyday support, includes guidance for AAC users, and acknowledges that some children follow different language pathways, including Gestalt language development.

If your child isn’t using many words yet (or isn’t answering your questions), it’s completely natural to start asking more and more: “What’s that?” “Say car.” “What colour is it?” “How many?”

Parents do this because they care and because questions feel like the most obvious way to “teach”.

But for many toddlers (especially late talkers, reluctant talkers, children who are anxious around communication, or children with language delay), lots of questions can accidentally do the opposite of what we want: they can add pressure and reduce attempts.

Speech and language therapy approaches often focus on helping adults shift from “testing” language to “modelling” language giving children clear, meaningful words they can absorb over time. That’s where comments come in. 

Why questions can make it harder (even when they’re well meant)

A question creates an expectation: “Your turn.”

For a child who is still building the foundations (attention, understanding, imitation, confidence), that expectation can feel like a spotlight.

Some common patterns you might notice:

• Your child looks away, walks off, or goes quiet

• They repeat the question back (echolalia / scripting)

• They protest, or have a meltdown

• They rely on gestures rather than risk a word

• You end up filling the silence, asking even more

  
  

This isn’t “stubbornness”. Often it’s a sign that the language demand is a step ahead of what feels manageable right now.

Responsive, low-pressure interaction is strongly linked to better child language outcomes, and parent-implemented language interventions often work by improving how adults respond and model language in everyday moments. 

What to do instead: comment more than you question

Comments are short, simple statements about what your child is doing, seeing, wanting, or feeling.They give your child language input without the demand to perform.

Think: “Give, don’t quiz.”

Comments help your child:

• hear useful, repeated language in context

• understand what words mean (over many exposures)

• find it easier to imitate when ready

• stay in the interaction because it feels safe and enjoyable

  
  

A practical guideline (that keeps things simple)

A helpful rule of thumb used in speech therapy is to reduce questions and increase comments. 

If you like a simple target, try:

Three comments for every one question

Not because it’s magical but because it nudges you towards more modelling and less pressure.

Comment examples you can use in your real life interactions with your child

During play (blocks, cars, dolls, animals)

• “Big tower.”

• “Up, up, up.”

• “Oh no — crash!”

• “Again!”

• “My turn.” / “Your turn.”

• “Stuck.”

• “Fast car!”

• “Go car.”

• “In.” / “Out.”

• “Open.” / “Close.”

• “Night-night teddy.”

  
  

During snacks and meals

• “More grapes.”

• “Crunchy.”

• “Sticky hands.”

• “Drink water.”

• “All done.”

• “Hot—careful.”

• “Yummy!” / “Not for you.”

• “Wipe.” / “Clean.”

  
  

Getting dressed / leaving the house

• “Socks on.”

• “Shoes on.”

• “Zip up.”

• “Hat on.”

• “Ready… go!”

• “Wait.”

• “Car time.”

  
  

Bath and bedtime

• “Splash!”

• “Wash hair.”

• “Bubbles!”

• “Towel on.”

• “Pyjamas on.”

• “Story time.”

• “Cuddle.”

• “Night-night.”

  
  

When your child is frustrated

• “That’s hard.”

• “Stuck.”

• “Need help.”

• “You’re trying.”

• “Help coming.”

• “You’re cross.” / “All done.”

  
  

Tip: Make comments shorter than you think you need to. One- to three-word models are often easiest for toddlers to process and copy.

Turning questions into comments (quick swaps)

Instead of: “What’s that?” Try: “Car.”

Instead of: “What are you doing?” Try: “You’re jumping!”

Instead of: “Can you say…?” Try: “Ball… big ball.”

Instead of: “What colour is it?” Try: “Red car.” (and move on)

You’re still giving rich language — you’re just removing the “say it now” demand.

When questions are helpful (because it’s not about never asking questions)

Questions can be great when:

• your child answers easily and enjoys them

• you’re using choice questions (much easier than open “wh-” questions):

  • “Milk or water?”

  • “Teddy or ball?”

• you’re doing shared book reading with a child who is ready for it

  
  

Interactive shared book reading is an evidence based method for supporting children’s language and vocabulary, particularly when adults learn how to prompt and then expand children’s responses. 

If questions often lead to silence, that’s your clue to lean back into comments.

A note for Gestalt language development

If your child uses chunks of language (scripts, song lines, repeated phrases), commenting still works beautifully because you’re joining their meaning rather than testing them.

Helpful approaches often include:

• acknowledging what the script is doing (comforting, requesting, sharing excitement)

• modelling a short, meaningful phrase that fits the moment

• keeping interaction warm and pressure-free

  
  

A note for AAC users

Comments are just as important with AAC (and sometimes even more so), because they:

• model language without demand

• support participation and confidence

• reduce frustration and “communication breakdown” behaviours

  
  

AAC does not mean “giving up on speech”. Evidence and clinical guidance consistently emphasise that AAC can support language development and participation. 

(If your child uses AAC, you can comment while you also model on their system short, relevant words that match the moment.)

If you take one thing from this post

If your child isn’t answering your questions, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong it may simply mean the interaction has become too demanding.

Try this for the next few days:

• keep your language short

• comment on what they’re doing

• pause and give space

• aim for a “warm back-and-forth” rather than a correct answer

Those small shifts add up.

If you’re feeling stuck — or you’d like help working out what to focus on for your child — you’re very welcome to get in touch. Sometimes a short conversation can make the next steps feel much clearer.

References

Barnett, S.E., Moxham, L.J., Moran, P. and Redmond, S.M. (2022) ‘Validation of a measure of parental responsiveness in a clinical context’, Child Language Teaching and Therapy, 38(1), pp. 27–45. https://doi.org/10.1177/1367493521996489

Dicataldo, R., Rowe, M.L. and Roch, M. (2022) ‘“Let’s Read Together”: A parent-focused intervention on dialogic book reading to improve early language and literacy skills in preschool children’, Children, 9(8), 1149. https://doi.org/10.3390/children9081149

Heidlage, J.K., Cunningham, J.E., Kaiser, A.P., Trivette, C.M., Barton, E.E., Frey, J.R. and Roberts, M.Y. (2020) ‘The effects of parent-implemented language interventions on child linguistic outcomes: A meta-analysis’, Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 50(1), pp. 6–23. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2018.12.006

Leeds Community Healthcare NHS Trust (n.d.) Early communication (SLT toolkit). Available at: NHS resource page. 

Levickis, P., Eadie, P., Mensah, F., McKean, C., Bavin, E.L. and Reilly, S. (2023) ‘Associations between responsive parental behaviours in infancy and toddlerhood, and language outcomes at age 7 years in a population-based sample’, International Journal of Language & Communication Disorders, 58(4), pp. 1098–1112. https://doi.org/10.1111/1460-6984.12846

Newcastle Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust (2023) Less questions, more comments. Available at: NHS resource page. 

Noble, C.H., Cameron-Faulkner, T. and Lieven, E. (2020) ‘The impact of interactive shared book reading on children’s language skills: A systematic review and meta-analysis’, Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research, 63(8), pp. 2875–2898. https://doi.org/10.1044/2020_JSLHR-19-00288

Preza, T. and Hadley, P.A. (2024) ‘Parent responsivity, language input, and the development of simple sentences’, Journal of Child Language, 51(1), pp. 91–117. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0305000922000459

Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists (2017) Public health interventions: promoting the development of young children’s language. RCSLT. Available at: RCSLT (PDF). 

Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists (2018) Understanding the links between communication and behaviour. RCSLT factsheet. 

Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists (2025) Language Launchpad Report (May 2025). RCSLT Northern Ireland.